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Financial Wellness

What's Your Money Attachment Style? Your Feelings Might Be Running Your Finances

CIMB ❘ 28 Sep 2026

5 min(s) read

Ever check your bank balance five times before lunch? Avoid opening your credit card statement like it's a jumpscare? Or treat every payday like the season finale of a shopping spree?

Here's the plot twist: your relationship with money might have less to do with maths and more to do with your feelings.

Financial therapists have long said that money is far more emotional than we admit. Certified financial therapist Khara Croswaite Brindle, quoted by CNBC put it bluntly: "Money is 90% emotion, 10% logic¹“.

Just like we develop attachment styles in relationships, many experts believe we develop emotional patterns around money too, and understanding yours could be the missing piece in your financial wellness journey. Let’s decode it.

First, What Is Attachment Theory? 🍼

Attachment theory is a psychological concept introduced in the late 1950s, originally developed to explain how our earliest experiences (from the day you were born) with caregivers shape how we build close, emotional and intimate relationships as adults. It describes patterns usually labelled secure, anxious, and avoidant (some models add a fourth, disorganised)².

Here's the interesting part: therapists and finance researchers increasingly find that these same patterns show up in how we relate to money, because money, like relationships, triggers deep feelings of safety, control, and self-worth^1,2. When our early experiences involved inconsistency or insecurity, we can unconsciously project those feelings onto how we earn, spend, save, and invest.

Translation: your spending habits might be your feelings wearing a trench coat. 🕵️

The 4 Money Attachment Styles: Which One Are You? 👀

1️⃣ The Anxious Money Checker 😰📲

Relationship status with money: "Are we okay? Are you sure we're okay?"

You might:

Refresh your banking app multiple times a day
Panic when you can't account for every ringgit
Feel uneasy about money even when you have savings
Pull investments out at the first market dip

People with anxious money attachment often relate to money the way they'd relate to a person they're scared of losing, driven by a scarcity mindset and a feeling that there's never quite enough¹. Ironically, this can swing the other way into comfort spending to soothe the stress, which then creates more guilt.

💡 Wellness tip: Set healthy boundaries with how often you check your accounts. Try scheduled weekly "money dates" instead of hourly panic scrolls, and trust your system, not your nerves.

2️⃣ The Money Ghoster 👻📬

Relationship status with money: "New phone, who dis?"

You might:

Avoid budgeting entirely
Leave bank emails unread (you know the ones)
Delay bills until the very last second
Tell yourself you'll "figure it out later"

This lines up with an avoidant style, where looking at bank statements can bring discomfort or shame, so you avoid the topic altogether and lean into hyper-independence: "I'll just deal with it myself¹“. The catch? Avoidance usually turns small money problems into bigger ones.

💡 Wellness tip: Start ridiculously small. Just 15 minutes a week reviewing your finances counts. Progress beats perfection, and your future self will thank you.

3️⃣ The YOLO Spender 🎉🛍️

Relationship status with money: "Treat yourself, bestie."

You might:

Shop when you're stressed, bored, or sad
Feel a happy dopamine rush… followed by regret days later
Swing between splurging and guilt
Repeat the cycle anyway

Financial therapists note that spending can become a way to regulate emotions, a temporary sense of abundance and control when distress is high¹. In some models, this back-and-forth between splurging and shame reflects a disorganised money pattern, a financial rollercoaster. 🎢

💡 Wellness tip: Try a 24-hour rule for non-essential buys. If you still want it tomorrow (and it fits your budget), revisit it. Sometimes the answer isn't a purchase, it's a nap. 😴

4️⃣ The Secure Money Builder 🌱💰

Relationship status with money: "We've got this."

You might:

Spend intentionally and save consistently
Make decisions based on goals, not moods
Enjoy money without guilt
Stay calm when small financial surprises pop up

People with a secure money style tend to approach money with balance, flexibility, and openness, comfortable asking for guidance when needed. The best news? Many therapists and attachment researchers believe a more secure relationship with money can be developed over time through awareness and behaviour change³.

💡 Wellness tip: If this isn't you yet, don't stress. Secure is a destination, not a personality trait, and every small habit gets you closer.

Why This Matters for Your Financial Wellness 🧩

Most money advice focuses on budgeting, saving, and investing, and those absolutely matter. But if you've ever known what to do and still didn't do it, your emotions were probably in the driver's seat.

Understanding your emotional driver makes the practical tools actually stick:

Money Behaviour	Possible Emotional Driver
Overspending when stressed	Seeking comfort or validation
Never spending, even on needs	Fear of losing security
Avoiding financial planning	Discomfort, shame, or overwhelm
Obsessive saving/checking	Fear of future uncertainty

The goal isn't to label yourself forever. The goal is awareness, because once you spot the pattern, you can start rewriting it.

4 Ways to Build a More Secure Relationship With Money 🛠️

1. Build an emergency fund (aka peace of mind in ringgit). Aim for 3–6 months of essential expenses⁴. It's not just financial protection, it's emotional regulation in monetary form that helps you act from confidence instead of fear. 🛟

2. Separate needs from feelings. Before buying, ask: Do I need this? Do I want this? Or am I just stressed, bored, or celebrating? Naming the feeling often shrinks the urge. 🥹

3. Automate your good habits. Auto-transfer savings, investments, and bill payments. Automation quietly protects your money from your moods. 🤖

4. Talk about money more. Money shouldn't be taboo. Chatting with your partner, learning from credible financial content, or simply asking questions builds both confidence and literacy. 💬

❓ Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. What is a money attachment style?

A money attachment style is the emotional pattern behind how you handle money, shaped by attachment theory, which explains how our earliest experiences with caregivers influence our sense of safety, trust, and security. Because money triggers those same feelings of safety and self-worth, these patterns often show up in how we earn, spend, save, and invest. In short, it's the feeling driving your financial habits, not just your maths skills.

2. Can you change your money attachment style?

Yes! While these patterns often form early in life, attachment researchers generally view attachment patterns as capable of becoming more secure over time through self-awareness and behavioural change³. It usually starts with awareness: once you recognise your pattern, you can begin rewriting it through small, consistent habits, like setting boundaries on how often you check your accounts, automating savings, and making decisions based on goals rather than moods.

3. Can someone have more than one money attachment style?

Yes. People may identify with traits from more than one attachment style, rather than fitting neatly into a single category³. While one pattern may be dominant, money behaviours can change over time as financial confidence and emotional awareness grow.

Financial Wellness Is a Journey, Not a Vibe Check 💛

Financial literacy isn't only about knowing how to budget, save, or invest, it's also about understanding the feelings behind your money moves. When you recognise your money habits and the emotional patterns that shape them, you're far better equipped to make intentional, confident choices.

Because the healthiest relationship isn't just with your partner or your situationship… it's with your money too. And unlike your situationship, your savings account should always text back. 💅

References:

This article is for informational purposes only and CIMB does not make any representation and warranty as to the accuracy, completeness and fairness of any information contained in this article. As this article is general in nature, it is not intended to address the circumstances of any particular individual or entity. You are advised to consult a financial advisor or investment professional before making any decisions based on the information contained in this article. CIMB assumes no liability for any consequences arising from your reliance on the information presented here.